Buy Me Some Pinot and Crackerjack

“This is a game to be savored, not gulped. There’s time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings.”
–Bill Veeck, former baseball franchise owner

Every ballpark has its own beer. At Wrigley Field, they slam down Old Style like it’s going out of style. In St. Louis, they drink Bud, Because U Deserve What Every Individual Should Enjoy Regularly. In Milwaukee, it’s always Miller Time. Beer and baseball have a long history as teammates on a glorious afternoon. The question is, “Why?”

I mean, beer makes sense at a football game. Can-crushing fans watch quarterback-crushing defenders, ice-cold longneck meets man with no neck. Football is fast action in spurts, beer-drinking is long slugs interspersed with longer pauses. Football is hot wings and barbecue, foam hands and cheerleaders, and beer is a drink before the war, a burst of cool refreshment slamming into your gut like a Saints defender pounding Brett Favre. But baseball?

Baseball is a day at the park. It’s leisurely, and meant to enjoy. The anticipation before a pitch, the unfolding plays, the drama of a man on third leaning out, ready to go at a moment’s notice. None of this is really built for beer. Baseball is sausage and garlic fries, crack of the bat and seventh inning stretch. It deserves its own drink. And I say: why not wine?

You laugh. Even from here I can feel your laughter. Well, take a breath, there, beer guy, and follow along.

There are fans out there who believe that baseball can never be as good as it was in the old days. We call these people “baseball purists.” And what is a “wine purist?” One who longs for the good old days, when it was all small wineries, and there were no tourists crashing the tastings. In baseball, when a record is broken or someone makes a great play, they are always allowed to “savor the moment.” In wine, you’re always allowed to take a moment to savor. Wine is enjoyed slowly, with sips and conversation. So is baseball.

Let’s do a Mad-Lib. In the following quotes, replace the blanks with the words”baseball” or “wine.” See if you can tell which was the original. Enjoy!

1.) _____ is for the leisurely afternoons of summer and for the unchanging dreams. –Roger Kahn

2.) ____ is a harbor, a seclusion from failure that really matters, a playful utopia in which virtuosity can be savored… –Mark Kramer

3.) Love is the most important thing in the world, but ____ is pretty good too. –(various attributions)

4.) The strongest thing that ____ has going for it today are its yesterdays. –Lawrence Ritter

5.) _____ is one of the most civilized things in the world and one of the most natural things of the world that has been brought to the greatest perfection, and it offers a greater range for enjoyment and appreciation than, possibly, any other purely sensory thing –Ernest Hemingway

See? Interchangeable! Referred to in the same way, and with the same love and passion. Two things that can inspire this kind of passion must belong together! Imagine how a Red Sox fan talks about the Yankees, and then ask a Bordeaux drinker about White Zinfandel. Compare and contrast. Submit your papers by 4pm Friday.

The greatest proof, though, that wine and baseball were made for each other is that they are mirrors in their making:

December to March: Winter pruning starts, trimming back the hard, dry old stuff to develop healthy conditions for the season. This is also a great time to work on the support structures, replacing anything that has begun to rot with sturdier, newer fixtures. Winter meetings and free agency pair with releases and trades, coaches are hired or fired to build sturdier structures for the long season. Think: Cutting back to the main vine, or hiring Jim Leyland.

Spring into summer: Weather plays a big factor. The development of new additions is emphasized, but it is vitally important during this time to remove “suckers,” which will become a part of the whole without producing. They simply “suck” life away from the rest. Spring training is a vital part of young player development, but it’s also the time to remove the dead weight on the team, to cut down to only those players you believe will produce on the field. Think: small, non flowering vines, or demoting Marques Tuisasopo.

June to July: Grape leaves are removed. Even though these may be good in some other foods, this maximizes the ripening process while allowing the fruit their time in the sun. Approaching the trade deadline, it’s time to look at who you can release to others in order to improve the ripening process of your own team. Think: making Meditarranean cuisine or trading for Cliff Lee.

July to September: This is the “eleventh hour.” It’s time to determine what the maximum yield can be, and make adjustments in order to make that happen. Maximize the potential for quality wines. Push for a little more from your starters, begin looking at your 40-man roster expansion and decide how you want to play the rest of the season. Fight for play-off spots and pennants. Think: pulling non-ripening clusters, or picking up Dave Roberts from the waiver wire to steal the single most important post-season base in baseball history, which led to the greatest comeback…sorry.

September to November: Grapes are harvested. The timing of when they are harvested is determined by sugar levels and flavors. Playoffs begin. The timing of departure is decided by quality of pitching and teamwork. Late Harvest wines, usually sweeter, become dessert wines. The World Series is a team’s just desserts. Pretty sweet. Think: Late Harvest Chenin Blanc or the 2004 Red Sox, who united for the greatest comeback in sports history, and went on to break the Curse of the Bambino, who, by the way, once said this: “Yesterday’s home runs don’t win today’s games.” Which would be great advice for a lot of wineries that like to rest on their laurels, and still point to their “1992 Wine Championship,” wouldn’t it?

So go ahead, laugh. But then take a moment, and ask yourself this: If I were going to the park with a friend, for laughter and conversation, joy and tears, for beauty and for passion, would I take a twelve-pack? Or would I take a nice, refreshing viognier, that I could savor along with the view, the company and the sunlight? Wine and baseball. Go ahead, they were made for each other.