The Wrong Kind of Wino

We at WINO have a predelection toward the irreligious, tongue-in-cheek approach to wine. You may have noticed. But, in the November/December issue, we defined a bit for you what it means to be a wino. It’s about getting involved with wine, learning about them, visiting the wineries and, of course, drinking the juice.

A great example of what a wino most definitely is not comes from sheboyganpress.com yesterday when it reported that a Washington woman was arrested three times in three days for driving under the influence while visiting Wisconsin.

Get this. A sheriff’s deputy found Jo A. Trilling trying to drive her car back out of a ditch. Smelling like “intoxicants,” she was taken in and tested with a blood-alcohol level of 0.21, over 2.5 times the legal limit. She spent twelve hours in the slammer, and was released.

The next day, she was found with her car stuck in the snow after having driven through a muddy side lane and a maintenance gate, which she didn’t remember. She explained to an officer that she had had “four or six cups of wine,” and that she was “still finishing up the box of wine in [her] car from yesterday.” She went back to the big house for another twelve-hour stay, and was released.

On the third day, a citizen reported someone driving “all over the road,” and Trilling was pulled over with a partial bottle of wine and a blood-alcohol level of 0.16.

All together, she was fined over $3,000, which includes a $372 fine for resisting or abstructing an officer during one of the incidents.

Way to represent Washington, Jo.

Seriously, we love the vino as much as the next guy, but c’mon! If I can editorialize here for a second (try to stop me!), let me just point out the obvious. Dumb, dumb, DUMB! It’s moronic enough to get behind the wheel when you’ve had too much, but isn’t spending half a day in the clink enough to scare the holy effing bejeezus out of you? Was that box of Black Foxx so delicious that you had to jump back into the car for some alone-time with the booze? And after a second stay in the brig, was the Wisconsin wine so inspiring that you had to grab a bottle and drive around looking for some local scenery to complement it?

This is not a wino. This is a derelect.

Let me make a recommendaton. Taxi cabs. My personal favorite is Orange Cab. Try it.